Catching up with you

It's been too long, I've kept more of a private journal, because lately my life has been more secret, more hiding.. I haven't really told anyone about anything, when people ask how I am? I like to avoid the question and turn it so that the people just talk about themselves and I'll just listen. Sometimes lately though I won't even listen anymore, it's just like I don't care about my life, nor do I care about the life of others. I want to.. But right now, my life and my priorities are the most important, I can say that since the new year started, I've complete lost who I am, what I'm all about. It's part of growing up. I'm entering into my 2nd to last year of school, and this is when you're suppose to step it up a notch but I'm slowing down. This is the year were there are just too many close deaths to count and I'm emotional not stable anymore. It's the time were this recession is hitting home, and hitting home hard. It's where my relationship with acquaintances are just disappearing. This is when I think, if I were to have a wedding tomorrow, no one would come, and I wouldn't have anyone on the bridal party.
I'm back to being shy, I'm back to being awkward, not up to date with anything or anyone. And cutting facebook from my life is not helping that at all. My communication skills are horrible. When I'm at work I don't want to be there, when I'm at school I don't want to be there, I have nothing to look forward to, no plans for the future, no life. Is this that point in our early 20s get to? Where they wonder.. WHAT THE HECK AM I GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE?.. What happens now? Where do I go from here? Do I move out? Stay in? How will my low credit score ruin my life? When will I grow up? Where do I work? Sitting around like this made me gain 10lbs fast since the year started. This isn't an epiphany that tomorrow I'm going to change my life. I might not ever, maybe next year, maybe next month, but not now. Right now, it's just taking each day one step at a time, hour by hour, hope after hope.. and we'll see what happens..

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